Post-Grad Blues

So, I'm writing a blog post while Dog with a Blog is on the Disney channel (please don't ask for a synopsis of this show...I beg you), while my own dog snores next to me. The inter-connectedness of life fascinates me sometimes.

Anyway, so you've just graduated from college. Congratulations. You're free from the shackles of class schedules, roommates who barf on your carpet (hopefully), and defending your argument that Hamlet WAS in love with his mother. The world is your oyster, right?

Wrong. You shake the chancellor's hand, leave the stage, and THUD. You fall right into a pit of depression, lethargy, and unemployment. Well, okay, maybe this didn't happen to you, but it happened to me all right. A couple weeks ago, I graduated from UNC-Wilmington with a BA in Film Studies and a BFA in Creative Writing. On my way back home, I had dreams of world conquest, Hollywood glory, and being the literary voice of a generation. But for the past ten days or so, all I've wanted to do is sit around and eat Magnum bars. It could be the fact that the weather's been crappy. It could be that my head isn't screwed on just right. But I think that the most likely reason of all is my bad luck with job hunting. I finally landed a deli job at Harris Teeter this afternoon, but this was after I applied to about 30 jobs, and it was the only offer I got, despite having two college degrees.

However, the only thing sadder than looking for minimum-wage work after your education dumps debt on your head like a pooping seagull, is filling out the "assessments" or "questionaires" that often come with such job applications. These surveys, supposedly designed to give companies a glimpse of your work style and personality, really just spit on the applicant's dignity instead. One question I got was "I am always happy. Strongly agree, agree, neutral, disagree, or strongly disagree?" No one is always happy. I'm sorry, but I refuse to deny the complexity of human emotions for a cashier job at Panera Bread. Here's another statement I had to agree or disagree with: "People are generally good." Seriously? You expect me to know the answer to a question that's haunted philosophers for centuries in order to work at Schlotzky's Deli? I wonder how an actual philosopher would handle that kind of job...

Well it seems I've ranted myself into sleepiness, so I'm about to turn in for the night. But if there's one thing I'm taking away from this whole experience of new adulthood, it's that nothing in life will EVER be served to you on an imported cheese platter. If you want a job, apply for everything. If you want to be the literary voice of a generation, never stop writing. And finally, if you ever want to conquer the world, never stop pillaging, no matter how many times people tell you that pillaging is wrong.